Hello?

So it has been a very long time since my last post and a lot had happened. Millie is now 4. Four- freakin-years-old! She is huge and towers above everyone in her class (hello basketball scholarship). We welcomed baby number 2, Violet who loves her big sister and we refer to as bubba. And a bunch of other mess that should be a book. Maybe I will write one. 
Let me catch you up on what you've missed via photos because I am a weary and tired mother of a baby.

So it has been a long ass time since my last post.
I have no good excuse but being busy.
Millie is getting so much older and saying some pretty funny ass stuff. I have a list of stuff but can't seem to find it right now (how convienient)but she has become extrememly sassy and amuses herself easily. The other day a man in a wheelchair crossed the street and she described it as a "man walking in his chair." The way children see things is really interesting. She also saw an alligator float in a pool and called is a crogagator.
A few weeks ago we traveled to Conneticut for Henry's birthday and to visit. We drove half-way on the way up and stayed in a hotel but on the way back had to drive the whole way, Millie was suprisingly good and only had one meltdown. (thank you portable dvd) Being in Conneticut made me realize how much Millie would love to have a sibling and be such a great big sister, she truly is a sweet little girl.

I Don't Have No Horse's.

Well to say that Millie is a bit wee obsessed with boys is an understatement. When we ask her anything pertaining to school all she will talk about are the boys in her class and one in particular who she refers to as "my boy." Yes Maverick is her boy and when we ask her about her friends they are all boys. I am scared we have a boy crazed girly girl on our hands. I would also like to extend a giant F you to the brain trust behind 16 and Pregnant. That show should be listed under horror on the TV listings.

Millie would like a skateboard for her birthday and not just any skateboard a meme skateboard. How she knows what a skateboard is I don't know but I do know she is obsessed with them and keeps mentioning it over and over. If she ever gets one it will be accompanied by a giant padded bubble that she will be forced to skate in like John Travolta in this

that might actually solve my problems with boys as well.

The art of patience is something neither Millie or I have. I requested that she hold her horses the other day and she responded with "I don't have no horses." If we are not quick to respond to one of her demands she will now go and grab her stool and try to do it herself. This usually ends badly with stuff on the floor and a time-out in the blue chair. That stool has become a thorn in my side since it was intended to be used for brushing teeth and washing hands and now it has been an accessory in stealing chocolates and cookies.

We leave soon for a five day trip to New Orleans sans Millie. I am looking forward to the alone time but think by day 3 I will have had a Millie induced meltdown.

Chip is very dilligent about Millie's learning. He recently taught her how to fake burp. Yes thank you Chip not only have you taught her how to raise the roof, say peace frogs but now we can add fake burping to her repertoire. It us ally occurs at the dinner table and sounds more like she is about to up-chuck than a burp. I can't wait for Chip to teach her more important life lessons.

Oh Hells Yes!
Today I went to an estate sale on my lunch break and nearly went giddy when I walked into a bedroom and on the bed was tons of vintage kids clothes. I scored about 15 toddler t-shirts ranging from The Dukes of Hazzard, Pac-Man, Smurfs and a sweet 80's sweater. Did I mention the Voltron sandals? Yes freakin Voltron totally 80's, brown sandals. I think I may go back tomorrow for more. Ahh estate sale high I love you.

Photo Thursday
I am trying to update the blog on the regs now so we will see how it goes. I decided to have a photo shoot with Millie using balloons it turned out so-so. I bought bo-bo balloons so they were lame and I waited too late so had to use the flash some. It didn't matter much to Millie as she just wanted to play with the balloons anyway and didn't care that I was trying to be all artistic and shizz.

Millie is currently obsessed with dinosaurs and meme's as she refers to every princess or girl in a dress. I am glad that she can like both girlish things and boyish things we are at a happy medium for now. If she ever wants a Bratz doll I will however, loose it.

Millie likes chocolate.

Just a little somethin,somethin to tide you over until I finish the post I am working on.

Ahh daycare.

I love that Millie is around other children which is making her less shy around kids, she doesn’t just stare at them anymore like a zombie she actually interacts with them!

(The Kevin Bacon zombie from The Walking Dead)

I love that she brings me home crafts and drawings to put up on the fridge. I love that she talks up a storm and sings all the time now, even if I have no idea what she is singing about but currently her favorite song is no doctor no no no all while shaking her finger back and forth. I hate that she has been so sick and that we have been to the doctor four times since she started in mid September, I hope her immune system catches up soon. I also hate that she has gotten possessive and has been hitting when she gets really frustrated. I realize that this is part of being two but sometimes girl can get the rage and it isn’t pretty. We have been doing timeout which seems to be helping some. I am glad that she is going and she really seems to love it and her teacher Miss Sammi and all her little friends.

The Pumpkin Patch

We went the first weekend in October to The Chesterfield Berry Farm because I had a coupon that got us in for free. I am thrifty y’all. But it also meant that our pumpkins rotted before Halloween. Boo!

Halloween

Millie was Count Cutie for Halloween. I bought this costume a few years ago at Marshall's because it was on clearance and I thought it was so cute and funny. Yes I realize that I bought it before I was pregnant and probably before I was even married but it was too adorable to pass up and it all worked out in the end. We ended up going around the neighborhood with our neighbors who have a daughter Millie’s age. It went reasonably well. The first house we went to we actually know the people so we thought it was a safe house to ease her into the art of Trick-or-Treating. Wrong. When the door opened there was screaming and a freaky mask, needless to say Millie started wailing and ran into the arms of daddy. They felt really bad but Millie was scared for the rest of the evening and would not go to a door until someone else had gone up first to make sure there were no monsters at the door. I also had issues with her candy choices. Almond Joy’s? Lame.

The aftermath: boogers, chocolate and “blood” stains

So what have we been up to?

We went on vacation to the Outer Banks, celebrated Millie’s 2^nd birthday and experienced the hell that is known as the terrible two’s, Millie started daycare two days a week and we visited the Chesterfield Berry Farm.

Vacation

The beach house was nice just a little too Tommy Bahama for my taste and it was a pain in the butt to get to the beach through the “cleared” path. The path was overgrown with crazy plants that were obviously out to get us with their prickers. It was like a bunch of little Audrey II’s were trying to get our feet.

Millie did not like the ocean but she did love the pool, more specifically the pool steps. She just kept saying pool, pool, pool over and over again. She wasn't keen on being out in the pool so much but loved going up and down the steps collecting all the balls. We had a good time and Millie enjoyed her own room aka the master bath. Yes we made our daughter sleep in the bathroom attached to our room. Let me explain. The braniacs that design new beach houses either are really afraid of vampires or assume people on vacation don’t like to sleep in. You see the house was full of windows, which was great, lots of natural light, ocean views, blah, blah, blah, but not in the bedroom people. There was a huge arched window above the bed with no curtains so as soon as the sun came up the room was bathed in light thus waking up Millie at an ungodly hour and in turn we were up. I found this out the first night/morning when in the middle of the night Millie started crying (maybe 2-3 a.m.) so being the naïve person that I am I let her come “sleep” in the bed with me. Well that didn’t turn out so well about every 20-30 minutes or so Millie would move or roll over and say “hi mommy, hi mommy, hi mommy” and then when then as soon as the sun came up so was she. No sleep = No good. So our solution was to stick her and her pack-n-play in the bathroom. In our defense, the bathroom had to be the darkest room in the house and it was huge the pack-n-play practically fit into the closet so it really wasn’t that bad and it let Millie sleep past 6 a.m. It was a good time we got to chill with our friends and Millie got a tan. I however slacked at taking pictures so my bad.

Millie is 2!

Millie’s party was treat themed. That means I spent way too much time fretting over making fake lollipops and candy and cutting out cute ice cream cones and cotton candy for decorations.

I got lots of ideas from the interwebs, so thank you. We (meaning my mom) also made candy in the shape of mustaches, cupcakes and ice cream to decorate with. We ordered the candy molds from www.bakeitpretty.com and everyone (all 5 of you who read this) should look at their super cute baking stuff. I also attempted to make ice-cream cone cupcakes, they turned out o.k. but I need to work on my icing skills. Millie’s cake was a tres leches cake with strawberry chocolate filling from La Sabrosita on Midlothian Turnpike. The cake was delicious and there was hardly any left over.

Mmm cake

We set-up a kids play area outside with two bouncers and a water table and it worked out well as the kids stayed outside for the most part and enjoyed the awesome 82 degree weather.

Millie and Henry in the bouncer

We weren’t sure what to do about food and ended up going with sliders (so good), mac-n-cheese , spinach artichoke dip (by Kelly) and the Souchuns brought stuffed breads from Connecticut.

It was a good time but it went by so quickly, I felt like I didn’t get to talk to everyone. Millie got tons of great gifts and she loves her new kitchen, we have tea parties everyday followed by cupcakes and donuts from her pastry collection. I don’t have any good food shots, I was really off my camera game.

I will go over Millie being naughty and the Chesterfield Berry Farm in the next installment.

So while I was in graduation hell at the beginning of June Millie and Chip went to the Outer Banks for Millie's first beach trip. I am not sure if it was because the water was so cold or because waves are just hella scary when you are a wee one but Millie was not into it. Chip did get some cute photos out of it so it wasn't a total loss. I hope that when we go for a week later this summer she will be more into it.

We are also taking another class at our local kids gym/art/music place, this time we decided to try a gym class. The class is full of rowdy boys and there are only 2 girls in the class. I seriously have had to restrain myself on more than one occasion from reprimanding either a child or a parent because the child is acting like they have been given a Red Bull IV and the mom is busy socializing with her friends. I don't get it. Why pay so much money to go to class with your child and then ignore them? And it's not only me the teacher said something to me about it so I know I am not crazy. Ughh am I going to have to suck it up and be nice to people I so utterly disdain so Millie can have friends?

So I am attempting to upload some video of Millie in action via my new phone that I got for my birthday. I just picked two of them and am not sure what they are of but they should display her cuteness and ability to twirl.

I am still working on a post about Obi but every time I start to do so I cry so I've been putting it off.

I can say Millie is starting to say a lot of words and putting words together which is funny. She will say "bye bye da da" and "Osker no" and "do do." Normally I would think her saying do do is funny but not when Chip is trying to get her to call me do do and not mama. She already rarely says mama and it is driving me nuts I would lose it if she starts calling me do do. Its bad enough the she just calls me daddy. I keep calling myself chopped liver so I assume any day now that is what she will call me anyway.

Since the World Cup is going on there has been a lot of soccer watching going on in our house. I tend to be vocal when I watch soccer screaming and making crazy noises. Millie has picked up on this and now when soccer is on she also yells at the tv and claps her hands. I am trying to get video of it but she stops every time i pull the camera out.

I miss all the bizarre things strangers bestow upon Millie. 

Chip and Millie were at their usual breakfast spot that is always full of an older clientele (because there is a retirement home across the street). Well I guess one particular fine gentleman decided to use his artistic prowess and render a portrait of himself for Millie. Chip said Millie wasn't having any of it and was scared of this older gent and based on the drawing she was just in her fright...

Someone should warn Middle Earth that Gollum survived and has been spotted at the Paradise Diner on South Side.

What is more disturbing is the other side of the napkin/portrait

I hope that this drawing was not what he plans to do to Paradise but a manifestation of his hiney.

So this was not my planned post, I will have more this weekend with photos of Millie and a tribute to my #1 dog Obi.

Neither Hair nor There

So I was a bald baby and stayed that way for quite some time (3 to be exact). Here is a classic Blair photo entitled Why is that Baby Boy in a Dress?

Now it seems that I have passed that legacy on to my daughter. She is routinely mistaken for a boy (because she isn’t drenched in pink) and now is getting a curl mullet. I get so jealous when I see other kids her age with long, flowing locks of hair. Chip routinely tries to put wigs on her to “see” what she will look like when she finally does get hair. I have to say it isn’t pretty but that may be because he isn’t using 100% human hair wigs. Maybe I should contact www.weavensteven.com

or just visit www.babybangshairband.com.

Really? Really? They make wigs or bangs for babies, I’m sorry as much as I wish Millie had hair those things are just creepy and hello what baby/toddler is going to keep that on? People be crazy.(the baby wig site is down, I can only hope permanently) So it seems Millie will just be follicle challenged for a while longer now and join me in the ranks of I look like a Boy in my Easter Dress Club, I just need to make sure her hair does not turn grey at fourteen too.

I need to thank the employees of the JEM Rubber Co. of Toronto, Canada, who in 1930 invented the

whoopee cushion and have enabled me to reprimand my daughter. Millie laughs when she toots.,you can thank Chip for that. So while cleaning out a cabinet I stumbled across a long forgotten whoopee cushion and thinking that Millie would find it hilarious I positioned it in her booster seat so the next time she ate she would get a real Bronx cheer. So the time came and I picked her up and sat her in her chair and as soon as she heard the cheer she freaked out insisting I pick her up and then ran and sat in the corner. I tried to show it to her and demonstrate how funny it was but she wasn’t having it. So now when she is doing something naughty such as climbing on a chair she shouldn’t be I say “Do you want me to get the Whoopee?” and she stops whatever she is doing and behaves. It really doesn’t help when you are trying to be the serious parent but can’t help laughing because you can’t believe your daughter is petrified of a fart maker.

Anyways it stays on the chair and she won’t get near it. I need to get rich quick re-inventing this into something else like the No Trouble Cushion or Toot Torturer and market it. Patent Pending, people.

Spring Has Sprung at Casa de Cooke

So were going to bite the bullet and join a group class with Millie. It is at Romp N Roll and the class we will be taking is called Tumble Tunes 1.

Check it out here

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3HrSN7176XI

JK.

It is basically a class where she can run around and play instruments and have fun and meet other wee ones. I am excited about the “bubble dance party,” if I can take pictures I will so you can see Chip and Millie get their bubble dance par-tay on. We hope this goes well and Millie can eek out a playmate or two. We’ll let you know after our first class this Saturday.

I am pretty sure this is the reason why I am all about this class for Millie:

Her name is Miss Balloonie and by now she has deflated into nothingness but for a good week she was Millie’s BFF. Sad? Yes, I know but hey that’s all I could come up with. Millie would carry her around the house with her and wanted Miss Balloonie to accompany us on car rides as well. She’s the closest thing Millie has to a friend besides the dogs.

We have also realized Millie in all her cuteness gets us/her free stuff. Case in point, every other Thursday Chip takes Millie to eat at a diner in the Forest Hill area. The diner is always full of older people b/c there is a retirement home across the street and let me tell you they love Millie and her sassy walk she has developed. It is a real hip swaying kind of walk very RuPaul-esque. Anyway as soon as Chip walks in all the waitress's come over to say hello and the cook Lois comes out to say hi to her baby girl and asks if she can go ahead and make Millie's order. (Pancakes, applesauce and bacon) It is usually out and on the table by the time they settle in to their seats. Millie just sits there and waves at everyone with her pancakes and talks real loud. I guess last week the dishwasher came out and told Millie he had a present for her and then proceeded to give her a one dollar bill which she promptly handed to Chip (girl knows whats up). Chip gave it back because it was bound to be torn up by Millie if we let her keep it but it was a very nice gesture. Anyways they never charge Chip for Millie's meal, this has happened a few times now and I am starting to feel guilty b/c I feel guilty about everything and just because I don't want them to think we come there just for free pancakes.

In other news Millie has taken to throwing tantrums when she doesn't get her way. I mean the fall on the ground, wailing at the top of her lungs type and she looks like this:


It was funny the first few times but now it's getting old so we are trying to do time-out's with her. These consist of me holding her on the guest bed for like a minute while she thrashes around like a mad woman screaming and crying. We shall see if they do anything.

In other news Millie had her first real sickness last week. I guess it was a stomach bug that involved her first puking experience which she was freaked out by. I got home from work and my mom was putting her jammies on b/c she had just given her a bath and said she wasn't feeling well. I went and sat on the floor so she could come over and sit with me and when she got within a foot of me she started projectile vomiting. I of course was in her direct path and it all landed on me, it was like this but not green

The only thing I could do was laugh b/c it was so gross and actually kind of funny b/c my mother was just standing there watching it all happen and doing nothing. When I started laughing so did Millie so she could have only felt so bad. She threw up a few more times that night (don't worry Chip got served some too) and every time we tried to put a trash can under her she freaked out. I hope she doesn't get sick again until she knows to try and go in toilet like Chip and I had to do all weekend when we got sick as well.

Since the weather has been nice we have been spending lots of time outside in the back yard where Millie plays with all the Daffodils and chases Oscar around the yard. She loves to just walk around the yard and then sit on all the rocks. She will back her butt up to a rock but usually her depth perception is way off and she ends up on the ground but it is really funny to watch her do it and if she falls she just gets back up and wipes her knees and hands off. I am not sure where she picked that up from? I will take pictures this weekend of Millie in all her Spring glory.

My failed attempt at socializing Millie.

Recently it has become a mission of mine to make sure that Millie plays with other children her age, well consider me the Titanic of socialization.

Attempt number one occurred on a Saturday when we decided to go to cartwheels and coffee www.cartwheelsandcoffee.com It looked like it could be fun and being on Cary Street there were bound to be young, "hip" parents there. We get there and there are two kids there which am thinking is good because it won't be overwhelming for Millie. We go to pay and turn around and both sets of parents are packing there kids up to leave.

Umm do we smell? Is my child hideous? WTF!

So we stay and play for an hour and no other kids come in. Ok so it may have been around noon (a typical kids nap time) and it was kind of warm out but I thought for sure there would be other kids. I also didn't realize that it is affiliated with a church until I started looking around and noticed that they had daycare during church over at the Byrd and saw this

I kid they didn't really have that sign hanging up in there so we will try it again on a crappy day when kids are sure to be there.

Well I was so gung ho about having Millie play we went to the CTC (Chesterfield Town Center for those no in the know)and go to their little kid play area. We make it over there and it's not very crowded maybe 5 kids so I think Millie can do this. It starts out fine we go in and she heads for some spinning toy and she is content to spin these blocks with pictures on them for about 5 minutes. Then out of nowhere this girl (who for the rest of this tale I will refer to as Snotasauraus Rex)comes over to say hi to Millie. Millie just looks at her because 1) she is shy 2) this kid is freaky looking with snot all over her face and 3) she has the look of pure evil in her eyes

Snotasauraus Rex says hi and then proceeds to tackle Millie pulling her to the ground. Millie loses her shit crying instantaneously and I do to trying to pry her off. The person "watching" her I can only conclude is her older teenage sister who is busy messing with her giant Real Housewives of Orange County looking earring and does nothing. I grab Millie and have to hold her for 10 minutes before she will get down. We try again it's fine for 2 minutes before Snotasauraus Rex comes over again and this time brings along her brother who is like the dinosaur that can spit stuff because he has snot and spit coming out of him and is getting it all over the place. Again she tries to attack Millie and I get in her way and knock her down like a linebacker.

Just kidding I do get in the way but do not knock her over. Her mother is back from wherever she came from (i think it's hell)and apologizes for Snotasauraus Rex saying she is the youngest of five kids and plays rough. I say it's fine because it is and I know that I am kind of overreacting because I haven't had Millie around too many other kids her age and Snotasauraus Rex is a kid and kids play. I am so going to be overprotective, I can't help it I am a control freak. Well what I couldn't control even with hand sanitizer liberally applied after "playing" was the sickness that has consumed my precious Millie Willie.

Millie has been sick for six days with high fevers, a rash and double ear infections. It has been the scariest thing ever, mainly because the fever and not knowing how to help her feel better.

We took her to the doctor on Wednesday and they said everything looked ok and to just give her Motrin. Well by Friday she still had a fever and now had a rash all over her torso and head, we call them and they say if she still has a fever the next day bring her in. Next day she still has a fever so we go to the doctor's where they proceed to tell us she has a double ear infection and they don't know what the rash is. They give us an antibiotic and tell us if by Monday the fever hasn't gone away she needs to come in for blood work. Holy Shit tell me why the frick she would need blood work and that nothing is wrong with her. Luckily today (Sunday)she woke up with no fever and the rash is going away. So I am being optimistic (against my nature I know)that everything will be ok and that Snotasauraus Rex didn't get the best of Millie just my heartstrings.

Being a parent may be the scariest, hardest and freakiest thing I've ever done but so far it's been the most rewarding.