So what have we been up to?

We went on vacation to the Outer Banks, celebrated Millie’s 2^nd birthday and experienced the hell that is known as the terrible two’s, Millie started daycare two days a week and we visited the Chesterfield Berry Farm.

Vacation

The beach house was nice just a little too Tommy Bahama for my taste and it was a pain in the butt to get to the beach through the “cleared” path. The path was overgrown with crazy plants that were obviously out to get us with their prickers. It was like a bunch of little Audrey II’s were trying to get our feet.

Millie did not like the ocean but she did love the pool, more specifically the pool steps. She just kept saying pool, pool, pool over and over again. She wasn't keen on being out in the pool so much but loved going up and down the steps collecting all the balls. We had a good time and Millie enjoyed her own room aka the master bath. Yes we made our daughter sleep in the bathroom attached to our room. Let me explain. The braniacs that design new beach houses either are really afraid of vampires or assume people on vacation don’t like to sleep in. You see the house was full of windows, which was great, lots of natural light, ocean views, blah, blah, blah, but not in the bedroom people. There was a huge arched window above the bed with no curtains so as soon as the sun came up the room was bathed in light thus waking up Millie at an ungodly hour and in turn we were up. I found this out the first night/morning when in the middle of the night Millie started crying (maybe 2-3 a.m.) so being the naïve person that I am I let her come “sleep” in the bed with me. Well that didn’t turn out so well about every 20-30 minutes or so Millie would move or roll over and say “hi mommy, hi mommy, hi mommy” and then when then as soon as the sun came up so was she. No sleep = No good. So our solution was to stick her and her pack-n-play in the bathroom. In our defense, the bathroom had to be the darkest room in the house and it was huge the pack-n-play practically fit into the closet so it really wasn’t that bad and it let Millie sleep past 6 a.m. It was a good time we got to chill with our friends and Millie got a tan. I however slacked at taking pictures so my bad.

Millie is 2!

Millie’s party was treat themed. That means I spent way too much time fretting over making fake lollipops and candy and cutting out cute ice cream cones and cotton candy for decorations.

I got lots of ideas from the interwebs, so thank you. We (meaning my mom) also made candy in the shape of mustaches, cupcakes and ice cream to decorate with. We ordered the candy molds from www.bakeitpretty.com and everyone (all 5 of you who read this) should look at their super cute baking stuff. I also attempted to make ice-cream cone cupcakes, they turned out o.k. but I need to work on my icing skills. Millie’s cake was a tres leches cake with strawberry chocolate filling from La Sabrosita on Midlothian Turnpike. The cake was delicious and there was hardly any left over.

Mmm cake

We set-up a kids play area outside with two bouncers and a water table and it worked out well as the kids stayed outside for the most part and enjoyed the awesome 82 degree weather.

Millie and Henry in the bouncer

We weren’t sure what to do about food and ended up going with sliders (so good), mac-n-cheese , spinach artichoke dip (by Kelly) and the Souchuns brought stuffed breads from Connecticut.

It was a good time but it went by so quickly, I felt like I didn’t get to talk to everyone. Millie got tons of great gifts and she loves her new kitchen, we have tea parties everyday followed by cupcakes and donuts from her pastry collection. I don’t have any good food shots, I was really off my camera game.

I will go over Millie being naughty and the Chesterfield Berry Farm in the next installment.

So while I was in graduation hell at the beginning of June Millie and Chip went to the Outer Banks for Millie's first beach trip. I am not sure if it was because the water was so cold or because waves are just hella scary when you are a wee one but Millie was not into it. Chip did get some cute photos out of it so it wasn't a total loss. I hope that when we go for a week later this summer she will be more into it.

We are also taking another class at our local kids gym/art/music place, this time we decided to try a gym class. The class is full of rowdy boys and there are only 2 girls in the class. I seriously have had to restrain myself on more than one occasion from reprimanding either a child or a parent because the child is acting like they have been given a Red Bull IV and the mom is busy socializing with her friends. I don't get it. Why pay so much money to go to class with your child and then ignore them? And it's not only me the teacher said something to me about it so I know I am not crazy. Ughh am I going to have to suck it up and be nice to people I so utterly disdain so Millie can have friends?

So I am attempting to upload some video of Millie in action via my new phone that I got for my birthday. I just picked two of them and am not sure what they are of but they should display her cuteness and ability to twirl.

I am still working on a post about Obi but every time I start to do so I cry so I've been putting it off.

I can say Millie is starting to say a lot of words and putting words together which is funny. She will say "bye bye da da" and "Osker no" and "do do." Normally I would think her saying do do is funny but not when Chip is trying to get her to call me do do and not mama. She already rarely says mama and it is driving me nuts I would lose it if she starts calling me do do. Its bad enough the she just calls me daddy. I keep calling myself chopped liver so I assume any day now that is what she will call me anyway.

Since the World Cup is going on there has been a lot of soccer watching going on in our house. I tend to be vocal when I watch soccer screaming and making crazy noises. Millie has picked up on this and now when soccer is on she also yells at the tv and claps her hands. I am trying to get video of it but she stops every time i pull the camera out.

I miss all the bizarre things strangers bestow upon Millie. 

Chip and Millie were at their usual breakfast spot that is always full of an older clientele (because there is a retirement home across the street). Well I guess one particular fine gentleman decided to use his artistic prowess and render a portrait of himself for Millie. Chip said Millie wasn't having any of it and was scared of this older gent and based on the drawing she was just in her fright...

Someone should warn Middle Earth that Gollum survived and has been spotted at the Paradise Diner on South Side.

What is more disturbing is the other side of the napkin/portrait

I hope that this drawing was not what he plans to do to Paradise but a manifestation of his hiney.

So this was not my planned post, I will have more this weekend with photos of Millie and a tribute to my #1 dog Obi.

Neither Hair nor There

So I was a bald baby and stayed that way for quite some time (3 to be exact). Here is a classic Blair photo entitled Why is that Baby Boy in a Dress?

Now it seems that I have passed that legacy on to my daughter. She is routinely mistaken for a boy (because she isn’t drenched in pink) and now is getting a curl mullet. I get so jealous when I see other kids her age with long, flowing locks of hair. Chip routinely tries to put wigs on her to “see” what she will look like when she finally does get hair. I have to say it isn’t pretty but that may be because he isn’t using 100% human hair wigs. Maybe I should contact www.weavensteven.com

or just visit www.babybangshairband.com.

Really? Really? They make wigs or bangs for babies, I’m sorry as much as I wish Millie had hair those things are just creepy and hello what baby/toddler is going to keep that on? People be crazy.(the baby wig site is down, I can only hope permanently) So it seems Millie will just be follicle challenged for a while longer now and join me in the ranks of I look like a Boy in my Easter Dress Club, I just need to make sure her hair does not turn grey at fourteen too.

I need to thank the employees of the JEM Rubber Co. of Toronto, Canada, who in 1930 invented the

whoopee cushion and have enabled me to reprimand my daughter. Millie laughs when she toots.,you can thank Chip for that. So while cleaning out a cabinet I stumbled across a long forgotten whoopee cushion and thinking that Millie would find it hilarious I positioned it in her booster seat so the next time she ate she would get a real Bronx cheer. So the time came and I picked her up and sat her in her chair and as soon as she heard the cheer she freaked out insisting I pick her up and then ran and sat in the corner. I tried to show it to her and demonstrate how funny it was but she wasn’t having it. So now when she is doing something naughty such as climbing on a chair she shouldn’t be I say “Do you want me to get the Whoopee?” and she stops whatever she is doing and behaves. It really doesn’t help when you are trying to be the serious parent but can’t help laughing because you can’t believe your daughter is petrified of a fart maker.

Anyways it stays on the chair and she won’t get near it. I need to get rich quick re-inventing this into something else like the No Trouble Cushion or Toot Torturer and market it. Patent Pending, people.

Spring Has Sprung at Casa de Cooke

So were going to bite the bullet and join a group class with Millie. It is at Romp N Roll and the class we will be taking is called Tumble Tunes 1.

Check it out here

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3HrSN7176XI

JK.

It is basically a class where she can run around and play instruments and have fun and meet other wee ones. I am excited about the “bubble dance party,” if I can take pictures I will so you can see Chip and Millie get their bubble dance par-tay on. We hope this goes well and Millie can eek out a playmate or two. We’ll let you know after our first class this Saturday.

I am pretty sure this is the reason why I am all about this class for Millie:

Her name is Miss Balloonie and by now she has deflated into nothingness but for a good week she was Millie’s BFF. Sad? Yes, I know but hey that’s all I could come up with. Millie would carry her around the house with her and wanted Miss Balloonie to accompany us on car rides as well. She’s the closest thing Millie has to a friend besides the dogs.

We have also realized Millie in all her cuteness gets us/her free stuff. Case in point, every other Thursday Chip takes Millie to eat at a diner in the Forest Hill area. The diner is always full of older people b/c there is a retirement home across the street and let me tell you they love Millie and her sassy walk she has developed. It is a real hip swaying kind of walk very RuPaul-esque. Anyway as soon as Chip walks in all the waitress's come over to say hello and the cook Lois comes out to say hi to her baby girl and asks if she can go ahead and make Millie's order. (Pancakes, applesauce and bacon) It is usually out and on the table by the time they settle in to their seats. Millie just sits there and waves at everyone with her pancakes and talks real loud. I guess last week the dishwasher came out and told Millie he had a present for her and then proceeded to give her a one dollar bill which she promptly handed to Chip (girl knows whats up). Chip gave it back because it was bound to be torn up by Millie if we let her keep it but it was a very nice gesture. Anyways they never charge Chip for Millie's meal, this has happened a few times now and I am starting to feel guilty b/c I feel guilty about everything and just because I don't want them to think we come there just for free pancakes.

In other news Millie has taken to throwing tantrums when she doesn't get her way. I mean the fall on the ground, wailing at the top of her lungs type and she looks like this:


It was funny the first few times but now it's getting old so we are trying to do time-out's with her. These consist of me holding her on the guest bed for like a minute while she thrashes around like a mad woman screaming and crying. We shall see if they do anything.

In other news Millie had her first real sickness last week. I guess it was a stomach bug that involved her first puking experience which she was freaked out by. I got home from work and my mom was putting her jammies on b/c she had just given her a bath and said she wasn't feeling well. I went and sat on the floor so she could come over and sit with me and when she got within a foot of me she started projectile vomiting. I of course was in her direct path and it all landed on me, it was like this but not green

The only thing I could do was laugh b/c it was so gross and actually kind of funny b/c my mother was just standing there watching it all happen and doing nothing. When I started laughing so did Millie so she could have only felt so bad. She threw up a few more times that night (don't worry Chip got served some too) and every time we tried to put a trash can under her she freaked out. I hope she doesn't get sick again until she knows to try and go in toilet like Chip and I had to do all weekend when we got sick as well.

Since the weather has been nice we have been spending lots of time outside in the back yard where Millie plays with all the Daffodils and chases Oscar around the yard. She loves to just walk around the yard and then sit on all the rocks. She will back her butt up to a rock but usually her depth perception is way off and she ends up on the ground but it is really funny to watch her do it and if she falls she just gets back up and wipes her knees and hands off. I am not sure where she picked that up from? I will take pictures this weekend of Millie in all her Spring glory.

My failed attempt at socializing Millie.

Recently it has become a mission of mine to make sure that Millie plays with other children her age, well consider me the Titanic of socialization.

Attempt number one occurred on a Saturday when we decided to go to cartwheels and coffee www.cartwheelsandcoffee.com It looked like it could be fun and being on Cary Street there were bound to be young, "hip" parents there. We get there and there are two kids there which am thinking is good because it won't be overwhelming for Millie. We go to pay and turn around and both sets of parents are packing there kids up to leave.

Umm do we smell? Is my child hideous? WTF!

So we stay and play for an hour and no other kids come in. Ok so it may have been around noon (a typical kids nap time) and it was kind of warm out but I thought for sure there would be other kids. I also didn't realize that it is affiliated with a church until I started looking around and noticed that they had daycare during church over at the Byrd and saw this

I kid they didn't really have that sign hanging up in there so we will try it again on a crappy day when kids are sure to be there.

Well I was so gung ho about having Millie play we went to the CTC (Chesterfield Town Center for those no in the know)and go to their little kid play area. We make it over there and it's not very crowded maybe 5 kids so I think Millie can do this. It starts out fine we go in and she heads for some spinning toy and she is content to spin these blocks with pictures on them for about 5 minutes. Then out of nowhere this girl (who for the rest of this tale I will refer to as Snotasauraus Rex)comes over to say hi to Millie. Millie just looks at her because 1) she is shy 2) this kid is freaky looking with snot all over her face and 3) she has the look of pure evil in her eyes

Snotasauraus Rex says hi and then proceeds to tackle Millie pulling her to the ground. Millie loses her shit crying instantaneously and I do to trying to pry her off. The person "watching" her I can only conclude is her older teenage sister who is busy messing with her giant Real Housewives of Orange County looking earring and does nothing. I grab Millie and have to hold her for 10 minutes before she will get down. We try again it's fine for 2 minutes before Snotasauraus Rex comes over again and this time brings along her brother who is like the dinosaur that can spit stuff because he has snot and spit coming out of him and is getting it all over the place. Again she tries to attack Millie and I get in her way and knock her down like a linebacker.

Just kidding I do get in the way but do not knock her over. Her mother is back from wherever she came from (i think it's hell)and apologizes for Snotasauraus Rex saying she is the youngest of five kids and plays rough. I say it's fine because it is and I know that I am kind of overreacting because I haven't had Millie around too many other kids her age and Snotasauraus Rex is a kid and kids play. I am so going to be overprotective, I can't help it I am a control freak. Well what I couldn't control even with hand sanitizer liberally applied after "playing" was the sickness that has consumed my precious Millie Willie.

Millie has been sick for six days with high fevers, a rash and double ear infections. It has been the scariest thing ever, mainly because the fever and not knowing how to help her feel better.

We took her to the doctor on Wednesday and they said everything looked ok and to just give her Motrin. Well by Friday she still had a fever and now had a rash all over her torso and head, we call them and they say if she still has a fever the next day bring her in. Next day she still has a fever so we go to the doctor's where they proceed to tell us she has a double ear infection and they don't know what the rash is. They give us an antibiotic and tell us if by Monday the fever hasn't gone away she needs to come in for blood work. Holy Shit tell me why the frick she would need blood work and that nothing is wrong with her. Luckily today (Sunday)she woke up with no fever and the rash is going away. So I am being optimistic (against my nature I know)that everything will be ok and that Snotasauraus Rex didn't get the best of Millie just my heartstrings.

Being a parent may be the scariest, hardest and freakiest thing I've ever done but so far it's been the most rewarding.

Millie in a Dress with bo bo fake Ugg boots, I call them Fugs.

The Souchuns come thru again.

Yeah for Christmas time and beverages and FurReal.

Latte the devil dog that humps my mom's arm all the time.

Happy Holidays!

Aww her first baby doll.

Christmas did not go as expected.

For Millie’s big present we got her an indoor inflatable bouncer. Words can not describe how stoked Chip and I were to give this to her. Since the day it was delivered I had to restrain myself from opening it early and letting her get her bounce on but I prevailed over my inner child and waited til Christmas. First off once we opened it on Christmas and took it outside to start blowing it up Chip realized that he didn’t have the right adapter for the compressor we had so a few calls later we learned that his mother did and she said she would bring it over later when she came for brunch. We couldn’t wait so chip went and got it. So he got home and started blowing it up with Gramber (Greg & Amber) and my mom while I kept Millie occupied in the other room. Once it was blown up we let Millie walk into the room to discover it. Well as she walked into the room and saw the monstrosity she burst out into tears and not just little tears but full on bloody murder tears. (Much like her birthday) We tried to put her in it and you would have thought it was full of flames, snakes , broccoli or some other horrible awful thing the way she was trying to get away from it. For the rest of the day she stayed away from it like the plague and I was so bummed out b/c I was sure she would love it, goes to show you how well I know my child huh? Well don’t worry it wasn’t money down the tubes b/c the next day she got in it and loved it, she just gets in it and bounces her heart out and if I tell her to get in her house she will go in it just like the dogs…

The rest of Christmas was great, we had brunch at 2 and everyone came over and ate all the food that Chip and Kelly had made. We had a lot of food baked oatmeal, hashbrown casserole, grandpa’s special stuffing (mozzarella, prosciutto, pepperoni and garlic bread) ham, carrots and our traditional eggrolls that a friend of chip’s mother makes every year and gives us some as well and they are good! I wish I had taken a picture of the spread b/c it was a sight to say the least. Mille ate lots of oatmeal and the casseroles.

Millie got way too much stuff so it was good that Chip and I decided only to get her a few things. She was very fond of the creepy baby doll and stroller that Gramber got her, her fake cat we call FurReal b/c it meows at her and blinks (it’s creepy) and the book the Souchuns gave about a cat and sprinkles that I am already sick of reading. I think the best part was having everyone around b/c Millie loves having an audience and she had so many people to choose from who could follow her around watching her walk and point at the Christmas tree and the ornaments.

Next year should be interesting b/c she should have some concept of Santa and that she’s going to get stuff vs. this year where she just wanted to rip up the paper and sit in the boxes. Not that what it is all about but really who doesn’t like a present?

In other Millie related news she is a walking champ which makes going out in public a little bit more difficult b/c she want’s to walk everywhere and that isn’t always feasible and I am not going to put her on a leash that just seems cruel. She has more teeth coming in which has made her a little grumpier than usual but it’s a molar and that has got to hurt. Her total teeth count is up to 9 and they are kinda funky looking. One of the bottom ones is coming in behind the other two. I am betting that she will have the Cooke gap. I just hope this isn’t a glimpse of what her real teeth will look like b/c they be funky… We are debating putting her in daycare once a week b/c she needs to be around other children so she doesn’t become the kid who doesn’t share (AKA The Brat) I am really scared of her just getting sick all the time. We shall see.

Millie has also decided that she doesn’t give kisses anymore she will only blow you a kiss and she equates that to meaning goodbye however she will greet you with a wave and a very high pitched hi! Other words in her vocabulary are mama, dada, ball and woof woof. Chip says he taught her to meow but I have yet to hear that so I don’t believe it. When you ask her what a lion says she will say rowr while moving her hand in a clawing motion which is really funny.

Millie in her Snuggie

Cute Santas

Millie and Oola

Millie in her toy basket

So it's been a little bit since the last post. I had one all ready to go about Millie not walking and how annoying it was that everyone asked me about it and then the squirt went and walked so it was a bust. So yes Millie is full on zombie walking, sometimes with her hands in the air like we are up in da' club or something. She now is able to grab things off of the tables and pretty much everywhere else which means my "treasures" are all up high and I'm out of room for anything else until she learns and listens to my pleas of no.

We've decorated for Christmas which means the tree is in our front room that we are never in with a gate around it so Millie can't eat/destroy any ornaments and the dogs can't pee on it. I have all my creepy Santas in the living room and Millie points at them when I ask her where is Santy? We also have a big plastic Santa on top of our carport that Millie likes to point at and go "ohhh." Not to fear our annual Christmas card will be mailed out soon but I fear we can't top last years baby jeebuz card so you all will have to deal.

I have been busy crafting it up making Millie a Snuggie, felting wool skirts and sweaters to make wreaths and trees and hemming curtains.

I am working on starting another blog entitled "My Creepy Friends" and actually keeping this one up to date... Wish me luck.

Also Millie had her picture taken with Santa and she hated it. She cried as soon as I put her in his lap. It was funny.

Halloween/Pumpkin Patch

So last Sunday the fam made our annual trip to the pumpkin patch. As we are in a recession and all I didn't feel like forkin out the big bucks to get ripped off at The Chesterfield Berry Farm or The Ashland Berry Farm where it costs $ just to get in the door. As luck would have it I found this farm www.gallmeyerfarms.com . Not only is it close by but they have free hayrides! It is really a mom and pop place and Millie loved it. We got there grabbed a wagon and headed out to the pumpkin patch. Once Millie saw all of the pumpkins I thought she would lose her mind, all she could do was point everywhere and go "oh, oh, oh!" We let her play with the pumpkins and all the scarecrows then went back and paid for our pumpkins. We got 4 pumpkins for $19 and I even got a white pumpkin, which is my favorite. We will going back next year recession or not...

Ahh Halloween... My favorite holiday yet this year we did zero decorating mainly out of fear that Millie would try to eat anything we put up and or destroy any decorations. I decided we would go to the Children's Museum to play/Trick or Treat. It seems that every other person in Richmond had this idea and needless to say it was a disaster. After being told 5 different things about which line to get in we made it inside, and that's where it went downhill. There were so many people and kids were running wild it stressed me out. We made it into the little kids area which was a barn and since Millie was a chicken it was ideal, until I put her in the "Crawlers Patch" which is supposed to be for little ones who can't quite walk yet. They had oversized fake pumpkins, tomatoes and carrots and other fun stuff to play with and Millie was having a good time until these big kids who were like 6 or 7 jumped in there and started grabbing the oversized produce and throwing it around. Myself and another mom had to lay down the law and kick them out and then their parent's wanted to know why we were yelling at their kids, and we had to let them know that the area was for little kids henceforth the name "Crawlers Patch." They were pissy but left. I have no tolerance for parents who let their kids run wild. I already had to yell at some red-headed brat who tried to karate chop Millie at Kangaroo Jac's I'll be dammed if I let some kid throw a giant pumpkin at her. Anywho there were lot's of teenage "workers" at the museum who were too busy texting to keep any sense of order and we promptly left without Trick-or-Treating. Needless to say we won't be going back next year.

Millie had fun but since she will be walking next year we will hopefully be able to just walk around the hood and it will be much more enjoyable and much less crowded...

You can give me the award now for worst blogger ever, it's cool. I have been sooo tired lately I just don't have the heart to sit down and type, don't worry I'm not preggers again.

So Millie had her first birthday on September 5th and it was great. The theme, and I use that term loosely, was mermaids. I actually sewed a fabric banner, made paper garland flags and some other decorations which of course Millie didn't give to craps about but I was proud of myself. Chip as usual made too much food, (but it was all yummy)we had Tres Leches cake from La Sobrasita bakery on Midlothian Trnpk (a layer of chocolate and a layer of strawberry) and Millie got to hang with her main man's Henry and her new bestie Merit. We played one game b/c I love games (pin the bow on the bald baby) and when it came time so sing Happy Birthday Millie cried like nobody's business. It was funny. I think everyone had a good time and hopefully left stuffed and content.

The Souchuns came down from Connecticut and got Millie a wagon which i now have to take her out in everyday b/c she sits in front of the window and points at it repeatedly. It's good b/c it makes me exercise and Millie just bounces up and down while we stroll the neighborhood.

She is almost walking on her own, she has gotten braver about letting go so it's only a matter of time before all my beloved treasures will have to be put on top shelves or away...

I don't have a good tooth picture yet but the top two are coming in as I type so she looks pretty funny when she smiles. I am also sad to let you all know that Chip has taught her how to "raise the roof" which i lamented was way to 90's but her persisted and now she could be in a re-make of Cool as Ice.

We haven't had any success at blowing kisses b/c she just keeps hitting her head so that may take longer...