boobearbaby

Neither Hair nor There

So I was a bald baby and stayed that way for quite some time (3 to be exact). Here is a classic Blair photo entitled Why is that Baby Boy in a Dress?

Now it seems that I have passed that legacy on to my daughter. She is routinely mistaken for a boy (because she isn’t drenched in pink) and now is getting a curl mullet. I get so jealous when I see other kids her age with long, flowing locks of hair. Chip routinely tries to put wigs on her to “see” what she will look like when she finally does get hair. I have to say it isn’t pretty but that may be because he isn’t using 100% human hair wigs. Maybe I should contact www.weavensteven.com

or just visit www.babybangshairband.com.

Really? Really? They make wigs or bangs for babies, I’m sorry as much as I wish Millie had hair those things are just creepy and hello what baby/toddler is going to keep that on? People be crazy.(the baby wig site is down, I can only hope permanently) So it seems Millie will just be follicle challenged for a while longer now and join me in the ranks of I look like a Boy in my Easter Dress Club, I just need to make sure her hair does not turn grey at fourteen too.

I need to thank the employees of the JEM Rubber Co. of Toronto, Canada, who in 1930 invented the

whoopee cushion and have enabled me to reprimand my daughter. Millie laughs when she toots.,you can thank Chip for that. So while cleaning out a cabinet I stumbled across a long forgotten whoopee cushion and thinking that Millie would find it hilarious I positioned it in her booster seat so the next time she ate she would get a real Bronx cheer. So the time came and I picked her up and sat her in her chair and as soon as she heard the cheer she freaked out insisting I pick her up and then ran and sat in the corner. I tried to show it to her and demonstrate how funny it was but she wasn’t having it. So now when she is doing something naughty such as climbing on a chair she shouldn’t be I say “Do you want me to get the Whoopee?” and she stops whatever she is doing and behaves. It really doesn’t help when you are trying to be the serious parent but can’t help laughing because you can’t believe your daughter is petrified of a fart maker.

Anyways it stays on the chair and she won’t get near it. I need to get rich quick re-inventing this into something else like the No Trouble Cushion or Toot Torturer and market it. Patent Pending, people.