boobearbaby

For the last few nights I have been having baby nightmares. These nightmares consist of all the wrong things that I could do as a new parent, such as let the baby sleep on the floor or leave the baby alone for hours and then come back to a baby drenched in tinkle. It is really quite disturbing to think of this when I wake up since I am already hella nervous, this just adds to it. Not that I think the baby will be sleeping on the floor it just makes me more crazy. Also in one of these dreams I got home from a trip and instead of going to see the baby first I went to a yard sale next door.

I haven’t had too many bad experiences with people and pregnancy until last week when someone I work with asked if I was sure I wasn’t having twins. I wanted go all Chuck Norris on her and give her a serious beat down. Why would you say that to a hormonal pregnant woman? Why? Why? Why? This lady is dumb and always says stupid things but still I don’t think I look that big. Biyatch.

Chip and I attended breastfeeding class the other night and it was a real eye opener. First our instructor has helmet hair; it doesn’t move she must own stock in Aqua Net. Also, who knew so much was involved in breastfeeding. I learned several things: I am still brought to laughter at the site of boobies and so is Chip, the first month I will not be sleeping at all (b/c baby feeds every 2-3 hours for like 30 mins. at a time) and not all nipples are created equal. Since I have bobo nips I must now where boobie shields in order to prepare for boobie feeding they look like this

And make me look like I have double boob when I wear them. Good times. These should make mine and babies life easier when its time to start feeding.

I should also let you know that babies possess magical powers that they yield in the womb. Most of you know that I have psoriasis on my feet thanks to my crappy gene pool and I haven’t been able to get a pedicure for something like 8 years. Not anymore people the baby has made it go away! Really it’s gone so now I am free and clear to pedicure it up which I intend to do this Friday after I get my hair cut for the first time in over a year. My dermatologist informed me that as soon as the baby is out it will probably come back so either I need to stay knocked up like that crazy Duggar lady with 18 kids or deal with Psoriasis. I choose Psoriasis.