I know it has been a while. Well I never knew just how tired I would be, the most sleep I get is in 4 hour shifts and then its time for me to feed the wee one again and then it repeats like that. I feel like a feedbag and that my one goal in life is to make sure Millie gets food out of my boobies. If it were only that simple. Breastfeeding has been hell. Millie does something weird with her tongue and my nips are flat. We have been to the lactation consultant 3 times and go again on Monday. I am trying to stick this out for as long as possible to try and make it work. We shall see... In good news Millie is as of today 7lbs and 1oz that is a whole .05oz over her birth weight!!!

Welcome Millicent Hazel 7 lbs and .05 OZ and 21 and 1/4 inches long...

OK OK here is an update... We are at 37 weeks and counting, we went to the doctor on Monday and I am at 2cm dilated now and the babies head is down and in position. What does this mean? Nothing really except things are progressing well and oh yeah my cervix is soft which is good for pushing baby out. I think she will be early or that could be because walking and moving in general is becoming hell and I am over it. I know that I am over it due to the fact I don't even care anymore when people touch my stomach, I am to tired to give a shit or resist. Any woman who says this is the best time of their lives must not get out much or have a really boring life. 

We purchased a waterproof sheet for the bed so if and when my water breaks it will not ruin our newish mattress. It also will come in handy when one of the dogs (most likely Kevin) pukes on us in the middle of the night. This has already happened, a few months ago I woke up with Kevin barf on me it was great and then Chip rolled over in it.

The baby room now has two closets, we got the freezer out of the house and had someone drywall the hole so now we just need to paint over the obvious patch. The closet is a mini closet b/c we kept the ghetto pantry which eats up some space but she is tiny and so are her clothes for the time being so she can deal...

In other news we got a stroller which i like and the dogs don't like. They keep peeing on it but that may have to do with Chip or I chasing them around the house with it. I would probably try to pee on it too. Oola likes it b/c I have caught her sleeping in it 3 times now. I think that is it for now as our computer is possessed and won't let me post any photos. 

Ok the nursery is also done. Thanks to Michael G. for painting Pom Pom Purin on the wall for us. It is adorable including the butt.

The wall of baby animals may or may not freak out the future baby, Erin mentioned that she was freaked out about some mushroom curtains that were in her room as a child and they had to be taken down so we may be in trouble with the creepy bears and lambs.

Now I will be conducting a poll for babies first Halloween costume. I will show you the choices below and then you can vote in the comments. Don't worry I am not going to take a 1 month old Trick or Treating b/c that is dumb but I do love Halloween so I will make her get dressed up for my enjoyment and laughter.

Choice 1

Princess Leia

Choice 2

Chewbacca

Chip wants nothing to do with this, he gave me the look of shame when I mentioned it, I think he is embarrassed.

So what has happened since I last blogged... Well we started attending Prepared Childbirth classes where we learn breathing techniques and all about birth, me no likey. At the end of our first class we all (us and 3 other couples) had to get on the floor to meditate. I don't meditate and neither does Chip so when we are lying on the floor facing each other as the instructor tells us to visualize a mountain or some crap we start laughing. I don't mean someone burped and its funny kind of chuckle, but full on I can't look at the other person crying kind of laughing, it was embarrassing b/c everyone else was into it. Lame.

We also had a baby shower where people came from near and far (CT.) to celebrate Blair,Baby and Blair's 50 chins. Seriously all the photos that were taken I look like a huge blob so they will not be posted... They can't be on the Internet. I made Chip take pictures afterwards that do not feature my chins. Anyway the shower was fun but I was exhausted from preparing for it so I was kind of out of it. My bad. We played games where you smelled poopie diapers but really the poop was chocolate and you had to guess which kind, this was my favorite. We ate lots of food had delicious cake and then opened presents. Thanks to all who came.

Amy & Henry
Blair trying to hide chins
Pretty flowers

For the last few nights I have been having baby nightmares. These nightmares consist of all the wrong things that I could do as a new parent, such as let the baby sleep on the floor or leave the baby alone for hours and then come back to a baby drenched in tinkle. It is really quite disturbing to think of this when I wake up since I am already hella nervous, this just adds to it. Not that I think the baby will be sleeping on the floor it just makes me more crazy. Also in one of these dreams I got home from a trip and instead of going to see the baby first I went to a yard sale next door.

I haven’t had too many bad experiences with people and pregnancy until last week when someone I work with asked if I was sure I wasn’t having twins. I wanted go all Chuck Norris on her and give her a serious beat down. Why would you say that to a hormonal pregnant woman? Why? Why? Why? This lady is dumb and always says stupid things but still I don’t think I look that big. Biyatch.

Chip and I attended breastfeeding class the other night and it was a real eye opener. First our instructor has helmet hair; it doesn’t move she must own stock in Aqua Net. Also, who knew so much was involved in breastfeeding. I learned several things: I am still brought to laughter at the site of boobies and so is Chip, the first month I will not be sleeping at all (b/c baby feeds every 2-3 hours for like 30 mins. at a time) and not all nipples are created equal. Since I have bobo nips I must now where boobie shields in order to prepare for boobie feeding they look like this

And make me look like I have double boob when I wear them. Good times. These should make mine and babies life easier when its time to start feeding.

I should also let you know that babies possess magical powers that they yield in the womb. Most of you know that I have psoriasis on my feet thanks to my crappy gene pool and I haven’t been able to get a pedicure for something like 8 years. Not anymore people the baby has made it go away! Really it’s gone so now I am free and clear to pedicure it up which I intend to do this Friday after I get my hair cut for the first time in over a year. My dermatologist informed me that as soon as the baby is out it will probably come back so either I need to stay knocked up like that crazy Duggar lady with 18 kids or deal with Psoriasis. I choose Psoriasis.

OK just a brief update, we went to the doc on Monday and I had my glucose screening where I had to drink a nasty sugary drink (think Jolt Cola times 10) and then they took my blood an hour later. Well I got a call today saying I passed the glucose screening but not the anemia test. A booooo, so now I am on iron supplements. Being anemic explains why I have been so tired lately and why I got the shakes on Sunday and almost passed out and why i have been looking extra pale and goth but not this goth...

I have also been craving red meat which may have a corelation to my lack of iron and if anyone sees me eating paper, chalk or something else crazy slap me. That would be Pica where people crave non-food items. My ass may be hungry all the time but I don't think I will succumb to paper. Take that anemia (insert middle finger!

Other than that things look good and we now go to the docs office every 2 weeks, this baby is gonna be here in no time.

I know I am the worst blogger ever, but in my defense I was gone on a little va-cay then had to air live 11 graduations over a 4 day period which = 14 hour work days and then we started our 4 day work week at work which means I have to wake up at the crack of dawn...me no likie.

We visited Ct. to go see the Souchuns and attend Henry's first birthday par-tay. We took the train stopped in NYC went to FAO Schwartz, chilled in central park then con't on to Ct. with Beth.

It was a nice time I would say relaxing but we were put to work (this is normal when visiting Ct. I am considered their 3rd daughter by osmosis so they expect me/us to act like it and do stuff) to help get ready for the party and by we I mean Chip b/c I was able to pull the pregnancy card and get out of any manual labor except juicing limes which afterward we all had forearms like this

We really did have a good time and enjoyed seeing Henry demolish a cupcake on his actual birthday and then an entire cake the next day for his party, I realized I didn't take any pictures b/c I suck so here is one I stole from his mommy's blog

Jo Jo asked to be on the blob (as she calls it) so without further ado here she be

Be careful what you ask for, don't worry only like 6 people read this anyway and what do you expect from Beth and I?

So people have been asking us about names a lot and I have nothing to tell them except maybe Millie but we aren't even sure about that. I was hoping to use a family name but once you read our choices I think it will be obvious that we are screwed in that department so here they are: Myrtle, Rose, Margaret, Eileen, Mildred, Lifesey and as a side note Chip has/had and Uncle Tootsie whose real name was Iris Lapel. Needless to say Hell to the no! We just have to bite the bullet and look through our baby name book "Cool Baby Names" and find a cool name b/c that is what it is really all about a cool name that will make her the butt of all jokes at school like Fall (my mother's suggestion).

She has been on a kicking rampage as of late and I can actually see it when she punches me it is way freaky. Chip is always a little late and hasn't felt her kick/punch yet, this upsets him but she will judo chop in the same spot for maybe 2 chops then moves on. Other than that we are heading in to the 3rd trimester which means that besides labor I can look forward to leg cramps, hemorrhoids, fatigue, faintness and difficulty breathing. Oh joy. I bet Angelina hasn't had any of these symptoms but I like to think that she has hemorrhoids.

We did have a little scare in that the ultrasound tech at our regular doctors office could not not see all of what she needed to see of the heart and we were sent to a high risk ultra sound doctor. Everything was fine and we got to see a Doppler ultra sound which had blue and red to show us all the ventricles and stuff. It was very cool and I will have those pictures uploaded for the next update. We learned that she has ten fingers, ten toes and no cleft lip and she weighs about 2lbs at this point. I asked the tech if she had a big head b/c her dad does and she assured me her head is in proportion with her body. My va jay-jay says thank you in advance.

I guess I hit my picture limit in my last post showing ya'll all the good stuff we got on our trip well here is a doosey from my mom to lighten the mood

This is what baby clothes should not look like and if any of you reading this value our friendship you will not do this to the baby. (JO JO please take note)

On the other hand we have gotten some cute and adorable items from our friends with a sense of style

you may continue to purchase cute and adorable clothing items. (Katie & Tracy)

After many attempts I have gotten a picture of my baby bump to share with those who live far and away

You will notice that my ghetto booty is still in full effect, some things will never change.

So for the next blog I promise baby room pictures but to tide you over until then here is a preview of the messy crib

I also will try my best to update this blog on the regular, but there are only so many times I can bitch about sore boobies and my need to buy a bigger over the shoulder boulder holder. Maybe the next blog can be about all the name suggestions I have gotten. Billy suggested Marcus Buster if it was a boy a little play on words (Mark Ass Busta). Thanks but no thanks.

If you have spoken to me in the last month or so and asked me how I have been feeling my typical reply would be "I am sooo tired I can't sleep at night I just toss and turn blah blah blah." Not anymore my friends, Chip was so kind to go to Babies R' Us and purchase my new best friend

Yes a snoogle. What is a snoogle you say, well one can only describe it as pillow heaven for ladies who are preggers and usually sleep on their back. See after the 4th month you are supposed to sleep on your side b/c if you sleep on your back the vein that runs along your spine could be less productive or something all I know is I am scared to sleep on my back b/c it could kill the baby. Not Really but now that is how I think of it and since I am used to sleeping like this

it was a problem. I would wake up on my back freaked out or Chip would wake me up yelling that I was on my back, but not anymore my precious Snoogle doesn't allow me.

We went on a adventure to Ikea and Potomac Mills this weekend to buy much needed shelves and to check out the baby store outlets. We got what we needed at Ikea (I will post pics next time b/c then the baby room will be in some sort of order instead of a mess)and then made our way to shop. I will say that I was disappointed in the "outlets" b/c they were basically the same with some more sale racks not the deep discounts I was looking for so we got a few things at Osh Kosh and Carter's but we hit the mother load at H & M. I have never seen so many freakin cute clothes in my life and we spent a bunch of $$$ there. I will let my trusty Cabbage Patch Doll model some of our scores...

I know I said no more pink but these elephants were too cute to pass up. Seriously this is what baby clothes should look like. Blogger has decided to start acting up so I will publish this post and then continue with a new one in a second...

So I guess this color scheme here on the blog is appropriate as we be havin a baby girl. I can't post any pictures from the ultrasound b/c baby girl would not cooperate and stay still, what I did see reminded me of skeletor from He-Man

so it is probably for the better. I am not kidding it was kind of scary I told the ultrasound tech I didn't want a picture of her if that was what I was going to have to show people. When we go back to the doctor on June 2nd we will get another ultrasound and hopefully have pictures to show you that will not be so freaky. Other than that everything seemed to be fine according to the doctor who I talked to all of 2 minutes, now she knows how it feels when I have to wait for her for 30 minutes take that establishment! In the next few days I will post pictures of the crib and share with you some of the stuff we have gotten so far...

So we just returned from our anniversary trip to Raleigh NC where we went to a flea market, ate b-b-q and slept on a horrible mattress. We got some treasures for the baby room that I find amusing and here they are in no specific order of awesomeness...






See if you can guess what my favorite treasure is. No seriously guess. We had a good relaxing time in Raleigh despite the Homestead Suites and their shitay bed and I got to go treasure huntin and Chip got to watch his pay per view of men rolling around grappling. (I don't know how he became a fan of the UFC but I blame Gene and George)
I will post a picture of the hat my mom got the baby somewhere in South America later as I forgot to take a picture of it and am now lazy. I am sad to report that it is very cute and I can find no reason to make fun of it and it is even in a gender neutral shade of green.

Why pregnant women (named Blair) should not walk a 10K. So I did the 10K (Mistake #1)with a record setting pace of 17 minute miles. I should apologize to Llewellyn who did the 10K with me and now has a record worst time instead of record best time. What the 10K did to me was much worse. You see in pregnant women their ligaments begin to relax to accommodate the baby. Well after the 10K my ligaments were stretched to the max and it was painful to walk. I wish I had one of these...

*I would like to point out that I did train for this and walked 5 miles without any problems the week before.*
It wasn't just kinda painful but scary painful so we went to Patient First (Mistake #2). They said my white blood cell count was high and they had no way to monitor the baby so I needed to go to the emergency room ASAP. Now I start to panic and we go straight to St.Francis where we have to wait for what seems like an eternity to see a doctor and all I can think is that my stupid attempt to stay fit while pregnant has hurt baby, and that this baby really doesn't like exercise. Chip stayed calm while I freaked as per usual. The doctor did a pelvic exam (fun) and said everything was fine and we heard the heartbeat so I felt better after that. It was just my ligaments telling me to take it easy as we have 5 more months of this shit. I had a doc appointment on Monday anyway so I told her my tragic tale and she proceeded to tell me all pregnant women have elevated white blood cell counts and that the doc at Patient First was a tool and freaked me out for no reason. I did find out on Cinco de Mayo we will find out the sex of the baby. Ole! This is quite the coincidence since I have been craving tacos for every meal. I could eat tacos for breakfast, lunch and dinner and be happy but what would be even better would be to add bacon to the tacos then all my cravings would be satisfied but that sounds kinda gross. That's about it for the cravings besides a beer but that will have to wait. Amy asked for belly pics but those will have to wait until Chip gets home b/c the ones I tried to do myself are quite unflattering and will not be published for the world to see.

I have not started to feel the kicking yet it should happen soon but I have been told I might just think it is gas until it starts to happen regularly. I think that is the point that I will begin to really freak out that there is something in my tummy other than all the tacos I've been eating. It just better not come out like the alien from Spaceballs. My mother comes home from her cruise around South America tonight and I will post any baby related presents that she may have brought back. The good and the bad but definitely pictures of the bad. Oh we have our first baby class tomorrow evening, I will report back any findings that I think you would enjoy or might make you and me throw up.

I can no longer go out in public. Well at least nowhere children will be, it scares me. I was at Marshall's looking at bathing suits that might possibly cover my expanding bump (scary in itself) when I first heard it "mommy look at this" unfortunately I would here this about 40 more times in the span of 5 minutes. No seriously I wish I was exaggerating but I'm not. To top it off her mother was not nearby so then she started screaming it, I guess her gana (grandmother) is deaf because she just let her continue doing it while pointing out the pretty beach towels. When her mother finally did come over it was like she couldn't hear the kid either cause she was having a conversation with gana about the return policy all the while "mommy look at this" was in the background pointing to anything and everything trying to get her attention. I wanted to scream at them to shut up and look at the damn two piece bathing suit the troll child was pointing at. What the hell am I going to do? What if my child is a brat? I am scared at how easily it is for me to get annoyed with a child...

I think my mom thinks we are having a girl...



She gave these to me last week and once again they are gender specific pink and brown and yes we still do not know if we are having a boy or girl. Oh mom...

Other than that the bump is starting to show and I will soon be wearing the maternity clothes that I have broken down and bought. I will tell you there are some ugly maternity clothes out there and they are all cheery and bright not so much my style. I have been getting headaches lately that suck pretty bad, about once a day they come hopefully this will go away soon. I have nothing else to bitch about for now but in two weeks expect a sweet post as my mother returns from her trip to South America with baby goodies I can only imagine, can anyone say baby baja?

So the tummy touching has begun. I don't like being touched most of you know this, I am not touchy feelie kinda person never have, never will. I am kinda showing, not enough for people to think I'm preggers it just looks like I have been downing Miller Lights like nobodys business. (Oh those were the days) The problem is when I see people for the first time who know they want to touch it like they are magically connecting with the blob they are not, just my stretch marks. I also had someone lift up my shirt, that was weird to say the least and I should have given them a judo chop to the hand but I didn't.





We went to the doctor this week and got some new pictures so now it actually looks like a little alien human with a profile and everything









It also looks like it has chicken wings for feet. The ultrasound lady had a hard time getting the pictures b/c the little bugger was very active all squirming around and not floating still. We are in trouble.



Last Saturday I dragged Chip to a giant children's yard sale at a church. We arrived 15 minutes before it started and there was already a huge line. I should have known then how crazy it was going to be. Chip lasted 5 minutes before he was ready to go, this was after being repeatedly run into with a stroller by a lady who thought he was a fixture or something. We got some stuff mainly a Baby Bjorn and some unisex clothes with no scalloped edging. Being that I like to make our dogs lives easier in any way possible I decided lazy Kevin would enjoy being carried around in the Baby Bjorn contraption. I was wrong.

Well I thought it was funny. So as promised in the last post I will discuss Diamond Jim's plans for the blob or as a commenter suggested pugsley. He has already bought an 1800's cradle thing it looks uncomfortable but now he wants to buy an 1800's high chair. Hell No! I realize Jim's house has a certain look but he is just gonna have to buy something modern without crystals on it this time. I like vintage things but I know better than to trust a baby in a crib from the 1950's no matter how good it looks. He also plans on teaching the child how to polish silver and set a table.

Katie also informed me that boy babies can have erections in the womb. How she knows this I don't want to know. I like to think it is a joke but according to the Internet it is not. So thank you Katie for grossing me out.

Until next time...

We are now at the 12 week 3 days mark and go back to the doctor's tomorrow. Chip does not like our doctor b/c he thinks she is all business which when it comes to my va jay jay and baby I guess I don't mind so much. Sure it would be nice if she was a bit more outgoing and friendly but then I might want to punch her like Kathie Lee Gifford. (I promise not to talk ad naseum about my child nor will I name them Cody or Cassidy.)

My biggest concern right now is how much weight I am going to gain and wonder if I am going to look like this

or like this

I am guessing more like the first photo since A) Like to eat and B)I am not rich.
All I know is I've been walking at least 2 miles everyday and lifting weights 2 to 3 times a week so at least I am doing something right?

I love my mom. I feel like that needed to be said for what I am about to show you. My dear, dear mother has been shopping til her hearts content which for her is a lot. The first item my mother purchased and showed me is a Christmas stocking, not just any stocking mind you this thing is seriously like 3 feet long and has a scary, sequined stork on it with a pink hat and to top it off it has legs. Here let me show you

This is how I feel about said stocking

She has also purchased a designer sweater featuring a cat. The only problem with the sweater is it is a 2 T (A size 2 in Toddler for those not in the know) and it is a girls sweater. No we do not yet know if we are having a boy or girl we won't know for 2 more months. The best part is that my mom insisted that it is unisex. It is not

Clearly a girl sweater. All I can hope is that she has gotten it out of her system until we know the sex.

Ok this is getting long and my back hurts stay tuned for the next update where i will tell you about Diamond Jim's scary plans for our baby (Think 1800's high chair and tiaras) and Katies disturbing information on baby boners.